Thursday, January 29, 2015

Outfitter To The Moon, A Future Trip Report

(Trip report made in July of 2008)

What can I say, it's too hot in Phoenix to go outside? Hey, it's all just for fun, what the heck...

Well, since the depression of 2008 hit and the whole American economy went into a tailspin the American Government had to go into default to get out of debt. In fact NASA went belly-up and was bought out by the huge consortium of truck campers known as RVNET. All motorhomes, trailers and 5th wheels were confiscated as housing for all previous government employees and are no longer a viable part of RVNET, since they are all permanently parked and now up on blocks. So needless to say camping is no longer earth-bound. Of course the first part of any moon-based camping is getting a ride to the RVNET Space Center.

And then being loaded up to the booster for the trip out of earths gravity.

Luckily for us GMC is the only truck manufacturer still producing thanks to the demand for it's Classic Series trucks. Ford and Dodge...bankrupt, but still around due to the fanatic owners recycling of used parts. And of course Outfitter Campers the camper of choice for off-world camping because of it's low weight and center of gravity. I did opt for the Bachman/Turner Overdrive Unit, (BTO, named after 2 rock gods of the 70's) to escape the global funnel cloud left over from President Bushes' failed economic policies. It continually tries to create a vacuum by sucking the life out of all global economies. Hey, escaping gravity is one thing, but getting past the Bush Funnel Cloud isn't rocket science.

Finally past the "Cloud" I decided to go outside for some fresh air and a walk.

Before too long we spotted a Space Station and figured we'd fill up for the rest of the trip. You get more for your money in space, what with the temp of diesel far below that of back home. Even with the tank heaters and all. By the way, RVNET is also now an oil producing company and of course subsidizes all TC expeditions with lower fuel prices as long as you post a trip report. 

First off after landing on the moon was stopping at Moonmart for some snacks...Moon Pie!
An old favorite of ours from way back in the day.

Then to wash down the Moon Pie with some beer! 

However beer and Moon Pie didn't seem to sit too well. After the toilet fiasco at the Space Station of 2008 it was decided that low-tech was better in some instances.

Feeling better, we've finished watching the HG, Hologram, fire and headed inside to watch some satellite tv. Sure glad to have reserved a campsite here as they fill up fast on the weekend.

With the weekend over it was time to head back to earth, and work. I had to dump the waste tanks before re-entry. Using a macerator before hand everything vapoorized into tiny flecks of ice then burned up on re-entry. Now that's the way to get rid of that cosmic debris, thanks Frank Zappa.

Upon landing many friends greeted us on the tarmac...

Thanks for reading and feel free to add...anything.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Odie of the Outback, Capital Reef Outback

I didn't take pictures slanted towards a trip report, I don't have "it" these days. I don't know if I'll have "it" again. In fact I don't know if I ever had "it" to begin with, there you have it.

But a camp trip we did take and even with having a flat tire thirty miles off the Burr Trail we did manage to have some fun camping with the new addition to our family...of the four-legged variety. He has some big paws to fill to come in behind four other dogs including Bear, they have all left us one at a time in the last four years. We call him Odie, short for Odysseus. But after this first long drive he could at times also be called Odiferous. Let's see, from Odysseus to Odiferous to Odie? I know I know, it was greek to me too.

We got Odie in May of 2014 as a precocious eight week old ShihTzu, already a heavy wine drinker. I knew if he was to become the world's most interesting dog I'd have to get him off wine and on to beer. Not Dos Equis though, Corona. Personally, I can't drink beer from a green bottle. It's a personality defect you see, a worm of the brain.

The world's most interesting dog. He has a bark that is bigger than his bite, and he has a ball camping.

When he plays fetch, he throws the ball and you fetch. Cars chase him. He once won a dog show, by texting his picture. When he poops, you clean it up. Ok, you get the picture. Don't we all have the world's most interesting dog?

We were off to see a part of Capital Reef not on the beaten path. I don't know why it's called the "beaten path", we saw no one beating the path, that wouldn't be logical. Would that have made it "path of logical abuse?" (Well, you had to say it fast.) But we were hoping to be beaten the bushes for some solitude. It would be a sixty mile loop on a very rough road.

First we had to ford the Fremont River. It was easy as it usually is in the fall, barely getting my lugnuts wet, while the exhaust pipe stayed high and dry, thankfully.

I turned around and came back. Why? Because I had to get my wife, of course.

There seemed to be a whole lot of nothing goin on for a spell. 

Until we broke the spell by pulling up behind this old dog.

A very early hybrid, a melding of wood and metal. I could not for the life of me figure out it's purpose.

It brought to mind pictures of times in the past, when men were men and didn't need no stinkin truck campers. I'm so glad I wasn't there.

And it happened to be parked, ok buried, right next to this wonderful sight to see in the desert, a spring. Now how in the heck did someone know to drill for water here? Or was it already there busting through the dirt waiting for a cattleman to come by and pipe it into a trough?

Finally something colorful came into view. No, the world's most interesting dog did not poop in the the truck. No really, it was ruddy red bentonite hills. 

We stopped to take a little walk to a scenic viewpoint. What the heck? No dogs on leashes allowed?

Ok then, we took him off the leash. This was our kind of place.

Actually I had screwed up big time. I swear I had checked online to see if dogs were allowed back here. We were more than a little disappointed but at the same time understanding. How many people don't clean up after their world's most interesting dogs?! So no walks for us or Odie.

A quick drive by of the Cathedral Overlook, yet we couldn't overllook the fact that we were prisoners in our own tc.

Saying goodbye to the Cathedrals, you were nice from a distance.

The world's most interesting dog isn't experienced at keeping his feet while standing on the cooler, and found himself in a hole. Carpet for the cooler lid is next.

The next set of scenic displays were the Temple of the Sun and the Moon. I forget which one this is, but it's one or the other. Or maybe it was neither, I can no longer remember. It's a sad day...

We felt to be at the pinnacle of Capital Reef, just wish we could have spent the night there.

A short distance away was a small mound, yet named Mountain, of Glass. Reminding me that people that live in glass houses shouldn't gather any moss.

I couldn't help but hear Blondie singing Hard Of Glass.

Made up of many mini layers of silica, I couldn't quite get a good picture of it's reflections.

Poor Lil Odie, defending the truck. I threw this picture in just so you'd know he stayed in the rig.

We're driving, we're driving. Something about that sign hit me the wrong way. Did I mention that it was a real rough road?

Just before we got back to the highway we drove by some weird rock formations, baboons faces.

After finishing the Cathedral Loop we moseyed on over to spend the night in an area I was at last spring. We were on the hunt for some very large pieces of petrified wood. The big log.

There were no signs that said otherwise, nothing that said not to. So I took a Shih Tzu on a piece of petrified wood. 

Ah yes, the years were just falling away.

Teaching a dog to log on.

Then we found her, the mother of petrified logs. She was slowly breaking up, turning back into the soil that made her.

And the smallest rattler I had ever seen. What a beauty, I wished it a long life.

Back at camp, Odie was dogging me for a beer.

After which Odie was plain ol dog tired.

Mrs. Whazoo and Odie wish you a good night. I wish we were still out camping.

Thanks for reading,

From the WTF files, (Whazoo's Thoroughly Frustrating)
Sorry for the abrupt ending, but a flat tire does that to a dirt road vacation. It was just another well graded dirt road with no sizable rocks. My full size spare bought new in 2012 had serious sidewall cracks so I used it only to get to a tire store four hours and a hundred miles away. They could not patch my flat and did not have my tires in stock. Fifty bucks bought an old tire to run on and get us home with no tire to spare. Thank you. The new spare from 2012, I was told, cracked out because it was not used and the "oils" dried out or some doggone thing. In seven and a half years we have now had an even fifteen flats, isn't that odd? Yes, I know. Four cracked wheels, two sidewall blow-outs, (Howdy Jefe and Sheepcamp!) and the rest from small rock punctures through good tread. I have had Pro Comps, Nittos and two types of BFG's. All have gotten flats and the BFG's had the sidewall blow-outs besides flats. I now run forged aluminum wheels with a less weight rating than the spun aluminum yet no more cracked wheels, by crackee. Maybe it's time for me to run tank tracks.